Repeating the Past
by Perdue
Summary: Yuki is troubled by his past and Manabe wishes more than anything to help. Together, they discover that the place they truly belong is just that: together. NabeYuki, noncon AkitoYuki
1. I'll Listen

Dear reader,

This is the first fanfiction I ever published on the internet, and indeed one of the first I ever wrote. I'm writing you this note five years later, now an adult and much moved on from Fruits Basket and its fandom. However, you may be reading this because I have chosen to continue this story. Before you go on, I'd like to address a few things:

This fanfiction involves, and indeed revolves around, a great deal of mental, physical, and sexual abuse performed by a few different parties, particularly on a very young boy. When I was writing this originally as a fifteen-year-old in the midst of her yaoi phase, I did not have the understanding that these are actually very serious issues. I am not going to go through and change anything from chapters 1-4, which are the ones that got written before my discontinuation, but I want you to know that I am aware of the problematic way the issues were handled, and that I am taking it in a very different direction now, one that is hopefully much more appropriate given the material.

I'm so sorry you decided to read this,

Perdue

**Warnings: **This fic contains spoilers to volume 15. Oh, and about Akito? Yes, I know about his little gender issue. Don't ruin the yaoi. It's rated M for later chapters. This chapter is pretty low-key.

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own Fruits Basket. Or any of the characters. Sigh. But, if I did, volume 17 would be burned and never given print. And Manabe and Yuki would end up together.

**Repeating the Past  
**_I'll Listen_

Manabe and Kimi had run off to cause trouble for the Prince Yuki Fanclub, and Naohito had followed to perhaps prevent a war between the students from breaking out. Machi, in her usual dull voice, said there was no more work to be done and left for home. That inevitably left Yuki quite alone in the Student Council room.

_All_, Yuki thought sullenly, _for the better._

Recently, without warning, more memories of Yuki's past had been flooding back with a force that made him feel dazed and really very unstable. He'd hoped no one in the Student Council had noticed, and was thankful for a break to simply sit and think without interruptions.

The rat gazed at the paperwork in front of him, feeling weakened. He'd tried his best to forget all of _those_ things that had happened to him, but, as was becoming clearer each year, some scars are simply impossible to heal.

It wasn't quite like the other things; it was embarrassing to admit even to himself he'd been sold by his own parents to be Akito's toy, but the other memories held a much more terrible humiliation that he knew would not be so approachable. After all, everyone was aware that he'd been given to Akito, but he had never dared to tell a soul of the things that had happened—the things that Akito had done to him in that black room. If he did, he knew that whoever found out would ostracize him for his weakness.

He clenched his hands into fists and willed the more detailed images to go away—

_Akito's hot breath mingled with his own, warm hands betraying sparks of pleasure over his body as he whimpered for his cousin to stop—_

There was a brief flash of pain as Yuki's fingernails dug so deep into his palms as to draw blood. He clenched his teeth and let out a surprised choke. _Had I really enjoyed it…th-that much? _The rat narrowed his gaze at the desk, again beginning to doubt; his happiness, his orientation, his reason for existence…

"Leader!" The voice was distant to Yuki's ears, and the rat might have expected it was coming from outside the room had he not glanced up just barely to see Manabe already inside. "AAAH!" Nabe yelled.

"Eh!" Yuki yelled right back, jumping and feeling quite startled.

"Yun-Yun, _you're bleeding!_"

"So you were thinking too hard again?" Manabe had taken Yuki first to the nurse to get his hands bandaged, then outside in front of the soccer field, the place Yuki had last confessed to the vice president the deep feelings he'd held about his past, and about Tohru.

"Yeah," Yuki mumbled, avoiding Nabe's gaze and holding the glass of water Kakeru had brought for him tightly.

"At least you didn't throw up this time," Manabe said cheerfully. Yuki rolled his eyes and allowed himself a good glance at the other's bright smile before again looking away.

Manabe sat down next to Yuki without a word, for which Yuki was grateful. There was now ay Nabe would let him leave unless he opened up at least a bit; that much Yuki was sure of. The problem was, the thing that was troubling him was even more pitiful and pathetic than seeing Tohru as a mother figure, more terrible than simply being Akito's toy.

"I…I'm not sure," Yuki said, his voice very soft, "that this is something you'd really want me to tell you." He looked at Manabe just to find the other boy staring right back, his eyes unusually cold.

"Yuki, I thought last time would've been proof enough." His gaze was piercing, and as much as he wanted to, Yuki found he couldn't turn away. "It doesn't matter what is bothering you. No matter how bad it is, I'll always listen to you." Yuki became suddenly aware of his heart; how loud it was, and how quickly it was beating against his chest. "I want you to feel good." Manabe smiled gently. "Even if I have to listen to all of Yun-Yun's sob stories." He placed a soft thumb under Yuki's eye and brushed away the water that had spilled over. "Even," he said, his voice as tender as his touch, "if I have to wipe away all of Yun-Yun's tears."

Yuki searched into Manabe's eyes, wondering why something about his friend unexpectedly felt different. It was in his voice, and in the gentleness of his caress.

Manabe moved his hand over slightly so it was cupping Yuki's cheek. He closed his eyes and gave Yuki his best smile. "'Kay?" he asked happily.

Heaving an annoyed sigh, Yuki said, "Yeah, yeah." He pushed Nabe's hand off his face, perfectly aware of the blush on his cheeks and perfectly aware that it was humiliating the hell out of him. "Vice President-san, don't you have any shame, coming on to me like that?" He wiped at his tears with his sleeve as he spoke, but his voice remained steady. "Your girlfriend would be appalled."

"Actually, me and my girlfriend, we went our separate ways a while back."

The shock of it made Yuki momentarily forget what he was doing, and his arms fell a couple inches as he stared at Manabe, mouth agape. "What happened?" he asked, the surprise apparent in his tone. "I thought you loved her?"

Manabe reached into his pocket and handed Yuki a handkerchief. "Of course I loved her. But things change. Love fades, new loves brighten." He gazed distantly out at the soccer field, and let out a sigh. "We both just wanted to try something new, you know? It was hard, but I'm pretty sure we're both happier this way."

_The way he says it_, Yuki thought, peering at his friend from behind the handkerchief. _He doesn't sound very happy at all._ The rat mimicked Manabe and looked out at the soccer field.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were suffering," Yuki said quietly. He turned to look at Manabe just as his friend had done the same. Nabe again smiled.

"Well, unlike me, you're terrible at hiding it when you're really upset." Yuki stared at him, and again felt the urge to cry. The way he said it so calmly, Yuki couldn't help but wonder how many times Manabe had suffered, and how many of those times the idiot had actually bothered to go to someone. "But c'mon, Yun-Yun, enough about me. You've been out of it all day, so tell me what's going on."

_So someone did notice…_ Yuki thought dejectedly. "Was it that bad?"

"Oh yeah, Yun-Yun. You were always gazing off into the distance, and even when you were writing your paperwork, words didn't come out right. I think you were trying to spell imouto but it turned out as Akito. What was that about? Kimi even would have jumped you if I hadn't come to the rescue of Leader!"

Yuki stared at his hands that then rested in his lap, the shock at what Manabe said settling uncomfortably all over him. He'd almost been hugged? That made things infinitely worse.

_Kyo is with Shihan until next week, and Honda-san is staying with Hanajima-san and Uotani-san…_

"Manabe, would you like to stay at my house this evening?"

There was a long pause that made Yuki feel awkward, but within a couple seconds, Manabe jumped up into a very Kimi-like pose. "Oh my! Yun-Yun wants me to go to his house to watch his erotic videos! How naughty, tee hee!"

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT!" Yuki yelled, his cheeks burning at Nabe's perversion.

The silence that followed almost seemed loud in itself, but after a few moments Manabe shrugged. "Sure, Yun-Yun. As long as you'll talk about what's wrong."

"Yeah," Yuki mumbled as Manabe took out his cell phone to call his mother.

Simply out of curiosity, Yuki glanced up from the alphabet blocks Akito had given him. At four years old, he didn't know much besides that when Akito went silent, something was on his mind. As it turned out, the rat's seven-year-old playmate was watching Yuki, but his eyes were distant, as if he wasn't really seeing anything before him.

"Akito?" Yuki queried in a small voice. The head of the family blinked and focused his gaze solely on his cousin. "Akito, is something wrong?" The seven-year-old blinked a few more times before setting Yuki with a rueful smile.

"No, my little Yuki," he answered softly. "I was just wondering something." The four-year-old gave Akito an inquisitive look, unaware of how adorable he looked. His eyes were wide, glazed with curiosity, and his lips were slightly parted.

"What is it?" the rat asked. Akito's smile faltered, and he looked away before turning his back to his cousin and starting where he'd left off in his book.

Yuki blinked a few times before giving his attention back to the alphabet blocks. Akito didn't want to talk about it, and that was just fine. When the seven-year-old was ready, he would tell Yuki whatever it was that needed to be said.

In fact, it was only until a few minutes had passed that, without turning to face his cousin, Akito broke the silence. "Yuki, do you know what kissing is?" The head of the family abandoned his book and stood slowly, gracefully, facing the wall with untroubled determination. "Or do you know what it means if I kiss you?"

Yuki's head tilted slightly to the side. In theory, yes, he knew what kissing was, but it was something he had yet to experience; after all, his mother had never shown him any type of affection.

"If you kissed me, our lips would be together?"

Silence followed the uncertain statement. Yuki rolled his pants into tight fists and awaited his cousin's reaction.

"… Hm," Akito finally said, his voice light, a small smile playing on his lips. He walked pointedly towards his cousin until he stood directly in front of the boy, where he then dipped down to kneel before the four-year-old, his kimono flying up behind him before settling back in neat folds.

Yuki gaped as Akito ran his slight thumb under the curve of his lower lip, then over the soft skin itself. "Akito…?" Yuki asked, his voice lacking any conviction for protest as the older leaned in and placed his lips gently on his cousin's.

_Little memories, marching on  
Your little feet working the machine  
Say, will it spin? Will it soar?  
_Empire Ants, Gorillaz


	2. A Lack of Control

Well, this was certainly a quick update! Hopefully I can keep up this pace for the rest of the story! (But I doubt it...)

**Warnings: **Direct quotations from volume 15 in this chapter, and the content is a little heavier.

**Disclaimer:** Oh yes. I own Fruits Basket. /sarcasm

**Repeating the Past  
**_A Lack of Control_

"Wow, Yun-Yun."

Yuki and Manabe stood in front of Yuki's house, and Nabe's mouth was hanging rudely open as he stared ahead.

"Cool place," Nabe said, whistling in approval. He grinned. "But of course Yun-Yun the princess would have such a big home as her castle."

Manabe's protests and yelps of pain fell on deaf ears as Yuki, eyebrows furrowed in angry frustration, pulled The Idiot along by the ear. So instead, The Idiot changed his plan of action to a steady cry of, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" until they finally got inside and Yuki relinquished Manabe's poor, bruised ear.

"Jeez, Yun-Yun. You have no mercy," Manabe slurred, pouting and rubbing his sore ear as they both removed their shoes in the hallway.

"Well it would do _you_ some good to realize I'm not a girl," Yuki retorted, a sort of close-eyed "dignity-at-all-times" expression plastered on his face, his back deliberately facing his friend.

"Hey, it's not like I can help it." The rat opened his eyes and glowered at the opposite wall, the mischief in Manabe's tone not exactly calming his nerves. In fact, he might have turned and struck when he felt a hand snaking seductively down his arm had Manabe's lips not appeared beside his ear a moment later. "You _are_," came Manabe's hushed voice, his hand reaching Yuki's, his fingertips barely tracing along the skin, "really _cute_ like a girl, after all."

Yuki, who had temporarily forgotten how to think as he felt warm breath flitted across his ear and an equally warm hand drawing faint lines against his prickling skin, was saved as Shigure's voice broke through his (lack of) thoughts.

"Yuki-kun, is that you?" the dog called from the living room. "Is someone with you?"

"Yeah!" Yuki called, pulling away from Manabe with the intention of simply forgetting about whatever The Idiot had been trying to do. But, when he turned to tell Manabe to follow him, he was captured immediately in the other's stare. Manabe's eyes were not quite cold; in fact, they might have been very inviting had they not been so distant with an emotion that Yuki thought he might have recognized if he hadn't forcibly pulled away from his gaze and walked towards the living room.

"Hello, Yuki-kun," Shigure said cheerfully. "Who's your friend?"

"I'm home," Yuki said, resituating his bag on his other shoulder and gesturing to Nabe. "This is Kakeru Manabe. He's the vice president at our school."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Manabe said, politely giving the slightest bow. "Are you Yuki-kun's father?"

"I'm pleased to finally meet you as well, Kakeru-kun. But no, I am Shigure Sohma, Yuki-kun's cousin." Yuki felt Manabe's eyes on him and turned slightly to see the other boy shooting him a questioning glance. "Well, in any case, I insist you make yourself at home." Shigure smiled and Manabe smiled back.

"Thank you very much, Sohma-san," Manabe said, bowing again.

"We'll be in my room," Yuki said before turning to leave.

Before the two boys opened the door, Shigure spoke tonelessly, "Oh, and Yuki-kun, I'm going to see Akito today." At the head of the family's name, Yuki automatically tensed. "He wanted me to bring you, but if you have a friend staying over, you're excused."

All Yuki could do was stand, his hand on the doorknob, frigid with shock at the memory that suddenly pressed in his mind.

"_Ahh…mm, Akito," the rat moaned. He knew it was wrong, it was no less than terrible… but when Akito touched him… when he whispered naughty words into his ear… Yuki wanted more; he wanted to feel more of that guilty pleasure that overwhelmed his senses and elated him to the point where he was sure the only thing still anchoring him to earth was Akito's hands over his naked skin…_

"Yuki?"

Manabe's voice managed to work itself into Yuki's mind, and the rat turned to see Nabe had placed a hand on his trembling shoulder, the other boy's features laced with worry. "Yuki, are you alright?" The rat's head tilted down, his hair hiding the fear and sudden desperation that gripped his amethyst eyes.

Without answering, Yuki took the hand that rested so comfortingly on his shoulder and lead Manabe out of the room, feeling no longer able to contain the emotions that threatened to break through.

Shigure watched the boys disappear and waited until their footsteps disappeared up the stairs before setting down his book and letting out a sigh. "Oh, Yuki," he murmured, glancing indifferently at the door before closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair. "Don't let yourself use him the same way you were used."

* * *

"Yuki."

The small amethyst-eyed boy's deadened gaze flitted away from the window to a shadowed corner of the room. The only thing he could make out in the blackness was the faint glow of Akito's pale skin, lightened by the sunlight streaming in from the open window.

He had only left for a moment.

It had been New Years, the biggest gathering of the Juunishi, a time when Yuki could only sit with Akito and watch the family he had never been allowed to talk to all laugh and have fun together. His head was hung, imitating Akito's own posture, which helped him feign disinterest as he watched the goings on of his family closely.

Kagura ran around from group to group, from Momiji happily clinging to an exasperated Hatori, to Ritsu, smiling apologetically, and the indifferent Hatsuharu.

Akito turned to talk to Kureno, and while the boy was distracted, Yuki lifted his gaze to Isuzu, Shigure, and Ayame, the boy who was his brother. Ayame was talking animatedly to the laughing Shigure while Isuzu watched.

For a moment, Ayame and Shigure glanced over toward the six-year-old. Yuki broke out in a sweat. Their eyes… indifference, disinterest, pity. _Hate…_

"_Everyone hates the rat, stupid!"_

Swallowing, Yuki glanced at Akito. The nine-year-old seemed very preoccupied with Kureno.

Closing his eyes and gaining control of his suddenly ragged breathing, Yuki rose soundlessly to his feet and walked to the hall that neighbored the room filled with his cursed family. His destination was originally the bathroom, which he hoped could have given him some sort of justification for leaving Akito's side, but before he turned into the next corridor, he heard two servants talking.

"The boy possessed by the cat? No, he's certainly there. And has been for a while."

"Really? On the 'outside'?"

"He makes these terribly angry faces."

"Heh. I suppose he's bitter about being left out."

Yuki stared out of the window behind the women at the dark, snowy sky. _…Cat? _he mused curiously.

Something in his head clicked. The cat was left out? When Yuki had realized he'd never shared words with the other members of the Zodiac, not even his own brother, he had felt as if there was nothing left in the world for him. Perhaps the cat could be the first cousin he talked to? Maybe they could be friends, even?

Yuki turned on his heel and ran as fast as his small legs would carry him, away from the corridor, away from the family that abandoned him, away from Akito; his new destination was a freedom that might have been waiting right outside the front door.

"_No, he's certainly there."_

"_On the outside."_

He opened the door and poked his head out into the snowy front yard. Immediately he spotted the cat, and right along with the sight felt himself blush. The other boy was wearing sneakers and long socks, shorts, a wool jacket, and an overly large scarf. His knees were scuffed and his nose was red from the cold. The heavy coat of snow made the yard unnaturally quiet, so along with being able to see it, Yuki could hear the cat's shallow breathing. The rat's mouth hung open in his speechlessness.

Yuki saw that the cat's shining eyes were the same colour as his hair when the other boy turned to glower at him. _It's so…pretty_, Yuki thought. He stepped out of the house completely. _That pretty orange._

"Um…" Yuki mumbled shyly. The cat had indeed notice him, and despite how nervous he felt, Yuki smiled at the scowling boy and stepped closer still.

"You. You're the rat, huh?" the cat asked. His voice was very different from Yuki's naturally gentle and slightly effeminate tone, in fact, different from any voice the rat had ever heard. It was scratchy; boyish. Yuki liked it. He wanted to hear it again.

"Oh. Um, yes," he replied quietly, the blush in his cheeks increasingly lightly.

"I'll _never_ forgive you," the cat said, his tone quiet and angry. It rose, though, as he continued: "Do you hear me? I'll _never_ forgive you!"

Yuki's eyes widened, and his mouth dropped a quarter of an inch. The blush in his cheeks disappeared, leaving his face cold and pale. "It's all your fault, rat! Everything's your fault!" Yuki realized his breathing was again becoming ragged. "It's all because you exist!"

The orange-haired boy's glaring eyes became cat-like and he bared his sharp teeth as he shouted, "_Someone as rotten as you oughta do us all a favor and just disappear!_"

Yuki watched as the boy ran away. It took only a moment for what had happened to sink in, and only a moment more for his face to flush, tears to well in his eyes, and his mouth to gape, a small strangled sound escaping him. _"The rat."_

Realizing he'd made a mistake in leaving the sanctity of the gathering, Yuki ran back inside in search of some kind of comfort; someone to tell him it was okay. He had never even met that boy before, but already he was hated for something that was completely out of his hands.

Yuki slowed to a halt. He saw his mother standing in front of a window, wringing her hands and looking worried. _Worried about…me?_ Yuki wondered.

He wiped at the tears with the sleeve of his sweater. "M-Mother?" he asked, his voice timid and tearful. "Mother… I—"

Swiftly, without warning, she whirled around and smacked the six-year-old as hard as she could. "Where on _earth_ have you been!" she shouted, glaring without remorse at her youngest song. "Hurry up and go back to the head of the family!" A tear slid slowly down Yuki's burning cheek. "I _refuse_ to be humiliated over something so insignificant!"

"_Everyone hates the rat!"_

The boy raised a shaking hand so his fingertips just barely graced the skin that was already numbing over.

"_Nobody cares about you."_

* * *

"Yuki, please answer me." Akito abandoned his dark corner to walk near where Yuki sat, hugging his knees to his chest and crying silent tears. "I would very much like to hear your voice." Yuki wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his kimono.

"Y-yes, Akito?" the small boy choked out, forcing back a sob.

The nine-year-old let out a satisfied, "Hm," and kneeled in front of his cousin. Yuki neither flinched nor pulled away as Akito reached out his hand, first to brush the hair from the younger's face, then to trace down Yuki's soft cheek with slender fingers. "Much better," he whispered, his fingertips feather-light against Yuki's trembling chin, the touch eliciting a small whimper from the rat.

"Akito, ah…are you angry?" Yuki asked quietly. A moment of silence passed, and the six-year-old found he was unsure of whether it was himself or the fingers on his chin that were shaking. His eyes were not meeting Akito's narrowed gaze, but focusing on his cousin's lips, slightly parted, as if he were about to say something but couldn't find the words.

"We'll see, my little Yuki," Akito finally said, his voice soft as he leant down to place a chaste kiss on his cousin's pale lips.

Yuki closed his eyes just in time for Akito to pull away. He couldn't say he dislike when his cousin did that. It was actually very nice; between being hurt and being told how dark the world was, it was the most enjoyable part of being with Akito.

The head of the family again leaned in, and Yuki took the opportunity to tilt his head up to meet the older's lips. It was short, but Akito was back within the moment, placing an open mouthed kiss on Yuki's closed lips. Yuki felt his arms fall slowly to his sides. It was strange how at ease he felt when Akito kissed him; his tears stopped, the pain in his heart was forgotten.

Yuki opened his mouth a bit and resituated his legs so that they were no longer blocking Akito from coming any closer. The nine-year-old immediately pressed himself against his cousin without breaking the kiss, and placed a hand on the back of Yuki's neck to pull him closer still.

Without warning, Akito slipped a tentative tongue into Yuki's mouth. Yuki, startled by the action, tried to pull away, but Akito's hand on his neck held him still as the boy explored the six-year-old's mouth.

Having Akito's hot tongue stroke his own sent up many alarms in Yuki's brain. Something about the whole situation suddenly seemed very wrong. Yuki's eyes, open and staring at Akito's crinkled eyebrows and closed lids, widened when the nine-year-old moaned and began reaching urgently for the ties to Yuki's kimono.

"A…Akito!" the six-year-old yelled into his cousin's mouth. The sound was muffled, but it made no difference as Yuki jerked his head away. "Please stop," the boy said silently, his voice nearly tearful. "This is wrong."

It took a few moments for Akito to register he'd heard Yuki, and when he did, Yuki was met with a smack. "Who are you to tell _me_ I'm doing something wrong!" Akito shrieked. Instantaneously, Yuki burst into tears. "Was it not wrong for you to leave me at New Years! And _why_ did you leave? To greet the stupid _cat_!"

Yuki's sobs grew louder. Throughout sanga-nichi, all he'd been able to think about was the cat; how beautiful the other boy was, and how much he hated himself for being born the way he was—for being born in a form that everyone hated.

"Why would you want to speak to that wretched monster, anyway? _I'm_ your friend, your mother gave you to _me_!" In a fit of fury, Akito grabbed Yuki by the back of the neck and pulled him into a kiss so harsh that both of their lips were bruised. "You're _mine_," Akito murmured against the rat's lips, his voice a near whine.

While Akito again began to take advantage of Yuki's mouth, all the six-year-old could do was think that Akito was wrong.

No boy so beautiful could ever be such a monster.

* * *

"Neat room, Yu—mmph!"

Manabe was cut short as Yuki took two fistfuls of his shirt and backed him forcefully into the wall, his quick, shallow breath mere inches from Manabe's parted lips, his eyes closed, relishing in the feeling of hot breath mixing with his own. Yuki could almost feel the shocked stare the other had on him; even through his shirt, Yuki could feel Manabe's heart fluttering wildly against his chest.

Suddenly, as if just realizing what he was doing, Yuki's eyes opened wide in shock and he released Manabe, backing several feet away, not daring to look at his friend. _What the hell just got into me?_ Yuki thought, wrapping an arm around his trembling self and covering his mouth with his free hand, his fingers whispering over his lips. _What if I had—h-had kissed…_

"Yuki," Manabe said, his voice quiet and serious. "Did that Akito person do something to you?" Yuki covered his eyes with his hands, his body suddenly leaning towards the ground. "He didn't… touch you, did he?"

Unable to keep it in, the rat fell forward onto his knees, his hands flying forward to the floor, tears falling from his shut eyes into streams that dripped down his cheeks. "I couldn't stop him!" Yuki cried, his tone almost defiant. His hands became fists, and he bit his lip in an attempt to cover his sobs.

Without any pretense, Manabe's arms were around the broken boy. The rat's eyes flew open in surprise, but Nabe still held him close, his eyes closed and eyebrows narrowed, his chin resting gently atop Yuki's head. "It's okay, Yuki," he murmured softly. "It wasn't your fault."

After a moment of tense shock, Yuki's body relaxed and he too closed his eyes, leaning into the warm embrace.

Those words were exactly what Yuki had always wanted to hear.

_Don't look at me that way  
It was an honest mistake  
_An Honest Mistake, The Bravery


	3. God's Tool

Hello all and sorry for the wait! School's been such a drag, but in my spare time I've managed to finish the third chapter! I'm pretty sure this one is considerably longer than the first two, which makes me happy. I hope you all enjoy it.

**Warnings:** Lime, underage noncon.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fruits Basket. If I did, this fanfic would actually happen. (Because that's just how _evil _I am. _zomg_yugiohabridgedreference)

**Repeating the Past  
**_God's Tool_

His steps were slow, calculated, the floor creaking softly beneath each footfall. He deftly handed his bag to the worried servants, ignoring their somewhat urgent questioning only because everything felt so vague and distant to him. The only two things he was sure of was that he automatically headed for where he knew Akito would be, and he was clinging tenaciously to Kyo's bright red hat, as if it would float away from him if his hold on it was any less tight. He only stopped walking when he was standing a mere foot away from the head of the family.

"Oh, Yuki? Why are you crying?"

Yuki's lip quivered and he fell to his knees, throwing the hat away from them and grabbing the front of Akito's kimono instead, pulling himself close and sobbing hysterically into the other's chest.

There was something moving inside him. It started in the pits of his stomach, working itself up through his body, burning into his lungs, leaving him to cough haphazardly as it reached his throat. It was an emotion he wasn't sure he wanted to admit he had. Was it even possible?

For him to be in love…?

It had only been a day since Hatori had taken the memories of his friends, but just seeing them walk by, laughing and not acknowledging the rat that stood, not daring to look at them lest they see his grief and his longing to be with them again… Yuki wouldn't have been able to bear what confused expressions they might have shot him. Surely if fate was not allowing him these friends, it was a fruitless effort to get them back.

That day walking home, it was windy.

It was the only thing Yuki noted as he made his way to the Sohma estate, fingers hooked around his backpack straps, his eyes downcast. He wondered miserably what he had done to bring what hatred there was in his small world upon his lowly existence. He _wanted_ friends, he wanted them with all his heart. And he couldn't even_ begin_ to describe, much less figure out, what he wanted from—

A strong gust of wind blew, interrupting his train of thought. He halted, turning away and keeping the sharp wind off of his face so that his bangs whipped around, snapping against his cheeks and closed lids. Once the wind had died down, Yuki opened his eyes, only to narrow them at the red hat that then rested on the ground in front of him. Just as he bent down to retrieve it, he heard a very familiar voice yelling out, "-Shou! Shishou, wait! My hat just flew—"

In an instant, the orange-haired boy was jumping out of the bushes, landing gracefully (_like a cat_, Yuki couldn't help but think) in front of the rat. There was a shocked pause, during which the only other time Yuki had seen the boy after New Years briefly flashed through his mind. He had been driving to school and just happened to look out the window when they'd passed the cat-boy.

But that had been short, and now Yuki had the chance to really look at him. He had matured a bit, and no longer held the same youthfulness that Yuki had felt at New Years. Notwithstanding, Yuki's opinion didn't change; the cat was still just as beautiful.

The blush was already rising in his cheeks at the shock lighting the cat's eyes. "…Oh. Um, here," Yuki mumbled, timidly offering the hat to the other boy. But it was useless. He was hated, and it would always be so. The cat's glare was intense and unrivaled, and Yuki felt no surprise when the other boy stomped away angrily, abandoning his hat with strong conviction.

It's not that he was surprised; he'd known the cat had hated him since their first encounter. No, it was how hollow he felt. It was that, even though Yuki acknowledged the cat's resentment toward him as deeply as he possibly could, the only thing he was able to feel toward it was longing, plain and simple. And because that longing would never be understood—because it would never even be recognized—he sobbed with childish abandon for more than fifteen minutes, his legs unable to support him as he clutched at the red hat in his hands.

So as soon as he was able to stand, to keep his resolve to the point that he wasn't crying out in his hysteria, he gathered his strength and walked the rest of the way, wishing for comfort and knowing the only place he would receive it.

"Yuki," Akito said softly, and the seven-year-old was suddenly quite aware of a hand on his shoulder blade, which lingered for a moment before trailing down to the small of his back. Yuki knew what this meant; it meant the caress of lips and the stroke of tongues; because no matter how many times he ravished Yuki's young mouth, Akito couldn't seem to be satisfied. But that didn't matter, not anymore. As scared as Yuki used to be by the intimacy Akito forced on him, he no longer felt the need to say no.

On a deeper plane of his conscience, Yuki knew why he had felt frightened of Akito kissing him with such depth. It was that, even if he didn't want to admit it, there was someone else he wished he could kiss, and whenever the head of the family called Yuki to his chambers, the rat felt like he was being unfaithful to his true feelings. But his feelings, no matter how profound, were of no importance in his wretched life; _no one_ cared about him. Akito said it was so, and Yuki tended to believe what he was told.

"Yuki," Akito repeated. The seven-year-old's grip on the older's kimono loosened, and he tilted his head up so that he could see his cousin's face. The head of the family smiled gently and leaned in, pausing only an inch from Yuki's lips, his breath light against the rat's skin. The amethyst-eyed boy's sobs had died down, but he still whimpered, the water spilling down his cheeks warm and uncomfortable. "Your world," Akito whispered, his words slow and deliberate, "is black."

With that, a fresh set of tears stung at Yuki's eyes, but it made no difference when Akito ran a hand down the seven-year-old's lithe form, starting from his slight shoulder, his small chest, taut stomach, and stopped at his waist, his fingers resting lightly on the hem of Yuki's shorts, his other hand still firm against the small of Yuki's back. Reaching under the rat's coat, Akito carefully untucked the younger's shirt, tilting his head to the side and grazing a kiss against Yuki's damp cheek. "You," the ten-year-old continued, his lips moving painfully slowly against Yuki's trembling skin, "are a boring human being."

"Nnh," the rat sobbed, shutting his eyes against the tears and trying his best to be quiet. He hated it—he hated more than anything that it had to be him who was born as the rat. He hated that Akito seemed to get such pleasure from making him think he would be better off dead.

Suddenly, Akito pulled away entirely and was on his feet, about to walk away. The inexpectancy of it caused Yuki to lose all hold on his cousin's kimono, and, against his better judgment, he let out a small, indignant sound of protest. He immediately shut his mouth tightly. _But…why?_ If the head of the family were to leave him alone, it should have been no problem; a great relief, even.

At hearing the puffy-eyed seven-year-old's soft moan, though, Akito paused and turned back in the direction of the younger boy. "Hm?" The head of the family bent far over, lifted Yuki's face to his and placed a wet kiss on the rat's lips. He didn't pull away for many seconds, and when they finally parted, their eyes opened and their gazes locked. Yuki, being a sheltered seven-year-old, lacked the vocabulary to describe it; there was a strong emotion in his God's pitch-black eyes, something that looked almost like longing. It was not the same as what Yuki felt; no doubt, it held just as much depth, but it was not so innocent, nor so naïve. It was powerful—hungry in a sense the rat was unable to understand.

Yuki numbly wondered what Akito saw in his own eyes. Whatever it was, the older must have found it intriguing, because again he leaned in to taste the rat's tear- and saliva-soaked lips. Out of instinct, Yuki's mouth dropped open, and instead it was their tongues that touched lightly. When it had first happened earlier that year, Yuki had thought the sensation strange, but having by then been in such a situation countless times with the head of the family, it was seen to him as something very routine. It was warm and wet and really very nice; it sent shivers down his spine and butterflies to dance in his stomach.

That must have been why. Yes, he hated his feelings of worthlessness that were fueled so greatly by his cousin. He hated them so much—and yet…

Akito pulled away from the kiss, a thin line of saliva drawn unceremoniously between their exposed tongues, which broke when the head of the family spoke, his voice soft and low with that hungry emotion. "I'll only be gone for a moment." He rose to his feet. "Remove your coat," he ordered, and turned away to walk out of the door.

And yet… He loved that feeling of closeness, just as Akito seemed to. He had lost his hope for receiving such endearment from his orange-haired cousin, though. It was something he'd already admitted to himself: He wanted such comfort that the head of the family was offering him, and he would be lying to himself if he said he wasn't thankful for the attention.

Dutifully, Yuki began unbuttoning his jacket, his shaking fingers fumbling slowly to the first, second, and third until it hung open, revealing his white button-up shirt and black tie. He could hear the soft murmur of voices outside the door. One was Akito—he could recognize that sickeningly pleasant tone anywhere—and the other he figured was a servant. Yuki listened intently, trying to make out the words being said as he removed his arms languidly from the coat sleeves. The old woman sounded somewhat anxious, and the more she spoke, the angrier Akito's voice grew. It finally got to the point where Akito was shouting, and Yuki could hear him very clearly.

"I don't _care_ if he looks unstable! He's mine and I'll do what I want! If anyone even comes _close_ to this room, I swear I'll kill them!" There was a thumping sound against the wall, and a moment later Akito slammed the door open, the hushed and hasty apologies from the servant receding when the head of the family slipped back inside, closing the door behind him.

"Yuki," Akito growled as soon as he had spotted the seven-year-old. He looked like he was about to walk over and give Yuki scars and bruises that would take weeks to mend, which gave the rat very minimal time to think. He was frightened by the strangely feral look to Akito's gaze, and was suddenly struck with a primitive need to make his cousin stop before he could do too much damage. What had happened in such a short amount of time to get Akito so infuriated? Only moments ago the head of the family had been not kind, but certainly gentle, at least when Yuki had shown his unconscious desire for him to stay. How had he done it? It had been a sound, something soft and high-pitched; a sign of regrettably please displeasure. He couldn't just do it again, though. He didn't even know how it had happened the first time, much less how it should be done again.

Akito took a menacing step further into the room, and Yuki felt a tremor down his spine. Something… he had to do something.

He wasn't sure what had possessed him, what he was thinking or if he was even thinking at all, but suddenly Yuki found himself pushing a quivering finger into his mouth. _What am I…?_ the small boy wondered helplessly as his eyelids drifted down to hide his amethyst eyes, his tongue running lightly over the cold digit. He shivered at the sensation, unable to hold back the low moan that reverberated in the back of his throat.

Yuki had never touched himself. Even if he'd had the need, he never would have known to. He only had a vague idea of what sex was, and he'd never thought about it past "that's how babies are made", much less doing it for pleasure; after all, that's not how seven-year-olds were supposed to think. So it was a complete sensory overload when he felt a very slight twitch in his shorts, his mind reeling out and unable to focus on any one thing.

"It's been said that the tongue and the fingers are the most sensitive parts of the human body."

The rat's eyes jerked open to an unanticipatedly very close Akito. He couldn't believe it possible, but Yuki had really forgotten his cousin was even there. Whatever he'd done had worked, though. The anger in Akito's eyes was gone, only to be replaced with a strong possessiveness, which actually might have made Yuki's situation worse. He didn't quite give it a second thought, though, because the rat was much too preoccupied with the sound of blood rushing through his ears and a warm body slowly but surely getting closer.

"Frankly, I'd say you prove them right," the ten-year-old said, his voice a near whisper. Yuki took in a shaky breath as Akito's knuckles ghosted over his cheek, withdrawing the finger slowly from his mouth.

"Yeah," Yuki mumbled, his voice nearly inaudible. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to focus on whatever it was Akito was saying. The head of the family had sat himself quite conveniently between Yuki's legs, the likes of which he realized were spread farther apart than he remembered them being only a moment ago. Akito hooked a steady finger over the knot of Yuki's tie, pulling it down while making sure his finger dragged along the seven-year-old's sternum, chest, and stomach, until it finally was loose, satisfied by the way the younger boy's breathing became somewhat labored.

"A-Akito, what are you…?" Yuki tried to ask, but his sentence faded into nothing. One of Akito's hands set to pulling the tie out, and Yuki barely felt the pressure from under his collar as Akito's other hand reached under his shirt, the older's fingers running feather-light over the rat's waist. It was so… nice. It made his skin prickle, made his breath shallow, his eyelids dropping and fluttering as Akito's other hand began working at the buttons of Yuki's shirt.

"You like this, hm?" the head of the family whispered, his breath tickling against the rat's pale neck, causing the younger to shiver. It didn't matter what his answer was; Akito had never gone this far, and from the lust lighting his pitch-black eyes, Yuki could see his cousin had no intention of stopping. When he had wanted comfort, when he had wished for attention from his God, he had not been prepared for something so heavy, so laden with emotions that Yuki knew he was neither mentally nor physically ready for. It felt nice, yes… but he was in over his head. What Akito was forcing… it was more than the rat had bargained for.

"No," Yuki replied, his voice a mere sigh as Akito's tongue flickered out to taste the younger's Adam's apple, his fingers taking care of the last button on Yuki's shirt.

"Really," the head of the family murmured skeptically, kissing his way up his small cousin's neck. His hands ran down the rat's thighs, and Yuki gasped loudly as his hips jerked forward compulsively, his hands shooting up to Akito's shoulders to keep his balance. Thoughts swirled around in the seven-year-old's mind faster than he could count, and the only thing that he was able to register was that his crotch had touched Akito's for the slightest second, and Yuki's eyes widened in fear when he realized there had been something hot and hard in between his cousin's legs. "I beg to differ," Akito whispered, that hungry, livid emotion practically dripping from the head of the family's words. Yuki couldn't fight as he was pushed to the ground, couldn't think while Akito undressed him, couldn't breathe as he was being taken advantage of.

Yuki had gone home that day feeling very dirty. There had been no penetration; only touches and gentle strokes and heated kisses upon his gaping mouth. It had been enough, though, to make his body feel on fire, for him to explode quickly against his cousin's eager hand, his cry muffled against Akito's lips. And as soon as the head of the family had pulled away, Yuki tugged his clothes onto his shivering self, trying to disregard the strange, sticky substance covering his hips. Akito lied on the floor, his kimono covering him loosely, and watched with disinterest as the rat hastily gathered his things, hesitating at the red hat but taking it anyways, handling it with a sober, reserved care.

When the seven-year-old was about to leave the room, Akito finally spoke up, his tone lazy.

"Nobody cares about you."

Yuki paused for only a moment before rushing out the door.

He didn't know what hurt more—that his escape from the constant thoughts of his beautiful, orange-haired cousin was narrowed down to that short time of intimacy…

…Or that his only worth in life was to be used by his God, his body merely a tool for Akito's unspeakable pleasure.

* * *

The room was dark. Shigure halted near the window, and Akito scrutinized his every move.

"Where's Yuki?"

A pause, and then: "Staying the night with a friend."

The anger from the head of the family was almost palpable.

Shigure opened a window and light poured in. He turned around. Akito's corner was still drowning in shadow.

* * *

Kakeru Manabe never moved, never once made the notion that he was uncomfortable. He merely sat there, his arms around Yuki, the words, "It's okay," leaving his mouth whenever the rat sobbed or began shaking. He didn't complain that his shirt was getting wet, didn't make fun of the rat for crying so childishly, didn't try to pull away when Yuki's arms snaked their way around Nabe's middle, decreasing the space between them.

It had been too long. The only friendly embraces in his life had been those few moment-long, usually accidental hugs with Tohru before he transformed into his rodent counterpart.

Then there had been Akito…

Another set of sobs racked at Yuki's chest, and Manabe's arms tightened around the rat's shoulders. "Yuki," Nabe said, his voice tender. His face pressed into Yuki's soft hair. The rat wasn't entirely sure, but he thought he heard Manabe say in the faintest of whispers, "You don't deserve this pain."

There would have been no way to tell, and really Yuki could care less about what time it was, but it must have been more than an hour that he sat, holding and being held. Never before in his life had he felt so warm, so safe, so… _loved_.

Manabe pulled away, and Yuki, who had expected to feel a sense of loss and emptiness when the embrace ended, let out a staggered breath. As if Nabe's arms still surrounded him, the warmth was still there; Manabe's very presence an insulator that fought away the cold of Yuki's fragile heart.

"Sorry," Manabe murmured. It almost looked as if the other boy was hesitant, like he wanted nothing more than to just sit there and hold the rat. "But," he chanced a shy grin, "you promised."

Yuki stared, another cluster of emotions welling up in his chest. It didn't matter how terrible his story was, and he then knew that there with the vice president; his best friend, his _closest_ friend, all of his self-doubt was pointless. Manabe was still going to listen, was still going to care, was still going to hold him if the explanation became too overwhelming…

_Manabe…_

A pale hand trembling reached out, and Yuki pulled himself to Nabe, hands on his shoulders and head resting firmly against his chest. "Yeah," the rat murmured, calmed by the steady beating of Manabe's heart that pounded lightly against this cheeks. "…I promised."

Yuki felt arms drape loosely across the small of his back, and then a slight pull; not enough to move him, but a definite invitation. The rat accepted and maneuvered himself onto Manabe's lap, not moving his head from Kakeru's chest or his hands from the other's shoulders. It felt strange to him; Yuki Sohma was not supposed to break down like this, was not supposed to be so _dependent_ on someone. But for once in his life, he felt _right_—like he was exactly where he was supposed to be.

"It… started when I was four years old." Yuki unconsciously clutched tighter to Manabe's shoulders, and Nabe returned the gesture, gently tensing his hold on the rat. "He… asked if I knew what it would mean if he kissed me, and I really didn't know… but even if I had, it wouldn't have stopped him. He has complete control over us." Amethyst eyes downcast, Yuki bit his lip and pressed himself closer to his friend. It didn't matter if it was wrong—he loved the sense of protection Manabe offered him more than anything he'd ever known. He wanted to walk away from the past that continued to haunt him, and he wanted Manabe to be there beside him every step of the way.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
_My Immortal, Evanescence

How cute, hm? I love these boys. Yukeru forever! Next chapter is probably going to be more Nabe- and NabeYu-centric. Hooray!


	4. Not Just Attraction

After a ridiculously (more than year-long) hiatus, RTP is back and (hopefully) better than ever! However, please don't expect consistent updates; I am so horribly busy with RL issues that this fanfic is the absolute least of my priorities. Sorry. D=

**Warnings: **Woah lemon? (Ish, at the very least.)

**Disclaimer: **These characters are not mine. If they were, Furuba wouldn't have had such an awful ending.

**Repeating the Past  
**_Not Just Attraction_

So it would seem there was much more to the princely president than any of their schoolmates would ever have imagined. And judging from how worked up Yuki was, whatever had happened was much worse than Manabe had originally expected.

"I…" murmured Yuki. He stopped and closed his eyes, looking for a moment as if he were experiencing a terrible internal conflict, but seconds later he was speaking again. "It's… it's not like I don't _want _to run away from Akito, but I… I d-don't have a choice…"

Manabe's brows furrowed, and in a light wave of anger his arms tightened around the other boy. How could he _not have a choice _in being taken advantage of? Nabe opened his mouth to voice his opinion, but said nothing as another thought struck him—had that Akito person _brainwashed _Yuki into thinking that way? If whatever it was Akito did to Yuki had started at a young age, it would certainly not be impossible for him to convince Yuki that he was _not _supposed to have a choice and that even if he wanted to tell someone, no one would listen to him.

That thought… that thought _infuriated _him.

"…B-Because he is my master. He is master to all of us." Manabe, pulled from his train of thought, stared at Yuki, his mouth gaping at the words he was hearing—and at that moment, he was completely incapable of comprehending the depth of Yuki's statement.

"He is the master of the Zodiac."

* * *

"Why…?"

The voice was quivering, helpless. Shigure listened with indifference, nevertheless.

"Why does everyone abandon me?" Akito continued, his face hidden deep in shadow. Many moments of silence passed, Shigure meanwhile looking outside the window with a light air of longing. How lovely it would be to live a _free _life, one not bound to this darkness and woe. The Curse never bothered him so much as it did the other members of the Zodiac, but its Master was another matter entirely.

Shigure turned away from the window to face Akito as the light outside began to fade into early evening. The head of the Sohma family was curled up in a corner, head in his hands, fingers tangled in his hair. He looked so frustrated, so delicate. Shigure turned away.

"You're an idiot for getting so upset."

A falter in his breath showed that Akito had heard, and Shigure turned to watch him nonchalantly. Even in the dark, he could see Akito's glare.

"How _dare _you—"

"How dare I what?" Shigure countered levelly, his voice never rising. He was annoyed, and as usual felt the urge to worsen his antagonizer's problems. "How dare I speak the truth? Don't _you _dare think you and your trusted servants are the only ones who know what you did to Yuki all those years ago."

Akito's hateful expression melted into a cold stare. "Did Yuki tell you this?" Shigure stared back, barely surprised that he didn't deny it.

"A very windy day many years ago, Yuki was stumbling away from your room when I came to see you. His hair was tousled and sweaty, he was walking like he'd soiled himself, and there was still a blush on his cheeks that only intimacy can give you. It doesn't take an idiot to figure out what had happened."

A smirk found its way to Akito's face. "Heh. Good for you. And here I thought no one could tell. But what are you going to do about it? You're just the _Dog_. No one will believe you before me."

Shigure paused, speechless for a few moments before he sighed and again gazed out the window, stars beginning to twinkle in the pale evening light. "Akito-san, I'm not looking to get you in trouble. I just don't find it fair that I go out of my way to see you, and all you do is sulk about Yuki's absence. Besides, to some degree, I quite enjoy your company, where as Yuki is just terrified of you. I don't see the point if Yuki doesn't want—"

"_That doesn't matter!" _

Shigure turned back to see Akito had stood, his breath heavy and his eyes wide; frightened and insane. "He's mine! It doesn't matter if he really wants it! _I'm _important, _I'm _needed! He's supposed to do what _I_ want!"

"What, you think that's justification? It's still not right."

The God stopped, his shoulders braced and his chest heaving. Shigure figured he may finally have said _something_ to at least strike a nerve, but to his true and utter surprise, God began to laugh. A sick, nauseating laugh, his head bent back and his eyes clouded and dark with passionate righteousness.

"Not right? _Not right_? I am _God_! I'm _always _right! You should be happy to know I at least had the decency to drug him so it wouldn't hurt as much!"

Shigure stared, this time truly speechless. Akito's voice was hysterical; his mind was clearly unhinging, and Akito wondered what could've happened to make him snap.

"D…Drugs?" the Dog asked weakly. "Akito… that is…"

"Of course! How else would I have been able to do anything when he was not only not interested, but completely frightened of me? Granted, one time he was so caught up in his own emotions that he came willingly." Akito smirked, and Shigure, stunned into silence, could only imagine how much of a play on words that had been as Akito walked over to him. "The time you saw him leave my room, he came to me of his own volition and asked comfort of me." One of his hands rested on Shigure's shoulder, and the other upon his chest. When he spoke, his whispered breath flitted warmly against the Dog's neck. "That was the very first time I touched him. His cry as he made his very first orgasm was _delicious_—"

"Stop it!" Shigure pushed Akito away, more than a little disgusted. "Just… what kind of drugs did you use? Tell me now and I won't have to get Haa-san involved."

"Oh, just a mix of a light sedative and an aphrodisiac." Shigure cringed.

"Did… Did he know he as being drugged?"

"No, I always slipped it into his tea."

Shigure stared for a few moments before collapsing onto the window sill and covering his face with one hand. It astounded him that a person could so nonchalantly admit to drugging his own cousin in order to more effectively sexually abuse him without even the faintest hint of regret. What was he going to do? He couldn't let Akito get away with what he'd done, not after he'd confessed. But what _could _he do? Akito was the head of the prestigious Sohma family; God. Shigure had never even considered mentioning the subject before now, and only because Yuki had never shown any sign that he even remembered that aspect of his past. After seeing him with that Manabe boy, though, something had clearly made him remember…

"_Akito had this tea brought for you."_

_Yuki looked up from the kettle. "Oh? What kind?" Shigure shrugged._

"_No clue. All he said was that it's for you and you alone. Guess that means I don't get any."_

"_What's with that forlorn face?..."_

"Yuki…"

"You know," Akito said, interrupting Shigure's revelation, "I'm sorry to have offended you. It's just, there was really a legitimate reason I was so upset that Yuki did not come today. You see…" Shigure took his head from his hand and was surprised to hear Akito's lips very near his ear, "the tea I sent to Yuki this morning was a special new concoction of mine; an aphrodisiac with a memory-triggering substance. All of our _sticky _situations should have been bubbling in his consciousness throughout the day, and by now, his mind should be pretty lost. It was a heavy aphrodisiac. I believe I'm justified in being angry that it has to be wasted on his little friend."

"Manabe-kun—" Shigure made to stand, but halted, frozen when he felt a needle enter his neck, a numbing liquid flowing quickly into his bloodstream. Within seconds, his eyelids began to feel heavy, the voice right next to him startlingly distant.

"Good night, Shigure."

* * *

He wasn't entirely sure when it had happened.

Ever since he'd been accepted as vice president of their school, he'd known who Yuki was. Of course, Yuki had no clue who _he_ was since everyone appointed to a place in office was supposed to keep it a secret. Thus, Manabe could only watch his superior from the shadows, his curiosity at what the president was like piqued only by the fact that he was so damn good-looking—for a guy, at least.

But… before he knew it, Manabe had memorized every fine hair, how dark it was and how it shimmered when the sun shined. The paleness of his skin, and the hardly noticeable pink tinge that sometimes graced his cheeks when he was with Tohru. How lean his body was; the way it looked almost frail. The length of his eyelashes, and how when he was tired, they drew shadows over his deep amethyst eyes in a way that was almost sensual. How pale and full his lips were, and how inviting they seemed as they parted just barely when he felt amusement or shock.

It was then that Manabe realized he did, in fact, have a strange infatuation with the president, which consequently caused a firm voice in his head to constantly repeat the fact that he had a girlfriend with whom he was very much in love. She was just so pretty and sweet and caring; she deserved better than some boy who couldn't control his attractions.

Then… that was it, wasn't it? Kakeru Manabe had a crush on the president; found him appealing on the most basic level. It was something so simple, so trivial, and it bothered him to know he had the capacity in his heart to love anyone besides his girlfriend. Well, not that he loved Yuki. But he certainly liked him, and that was troublesome all the same.

Troublesome or not, though, it was there, and Manabe wasn't one for denial. He therefore decided it was only fair to accept it, because once he managed that, he would be able to justifiably ignore it. Even so, the mere fact that he held even fleeting feelings for Yuki made him experience a far greater guilt than he had originally expected he would.

It took much trial and tribulation to pinpoint what exactly was causing such uneasy feelings. There was only a week before summer vacation when he finally figured it out.

"Komaki," Manabe had said as he walked his girlfriend home. She was prancing a few feet ahead of him, and Manabe couldn't help but smile as she turned toward him, her eyes bright and curious against the setting sun.

"Yeah?"

Nabe halted, wondering how he should start. It was never difficult to be honest with her, but at times finding the right words was an awful challenge.

Upon noticing that Kakeru was no longer following, Komaki stopped and turned to face Manabe completely.

"Kakeru-kun? Is something wrong?" she asked, her voice tentative. Realizing he was worrying her, Nabe gave a slight pout.

"Komaki, you know I love you, right?" The girl tilted her head to the side for a moment before closing the distance between them and putting her arms around him.

"Of course I do," she said. Manabe returned the embrace and held her close for a few seconds before pushing her away gently to keep her at arm's length. Komaki gazed confusedly between his hand and his face. "Why?"

"Well… Please don't think that I love you any less, because you're still my most important person. B-But, I think I have a crush on my ASB president."

There was a long moment of silence during which Manabe truly feared the worst, but finally Komaki's puzzled expression melted into a smile. She giggled lightly.

"You have a crush on someone?" she sniggered. "Kakeru-kun, you had me so worried." She pulled him close and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Things like that don't matter to me, Kakeru-kun." Manabe gave a relieved sigh and held her tightly. "What we have," she whispered, her hand reaching up to his shoulder, "is much too deep to be threatened by something like that." She pulled gently and their lips touched. "Right?"

Manabe smiled. "Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking."

Suddenly, her nails were digging into his shoulder, keeping him still, and she stared at him with an evil glint in her eyes. "Of course, if you act on your little crush, you will die." Manabe whimpered and nodded.

Oh, how confession and repentance could clear the soul! Manabe was so elated in the next few days that he was hardly conscious of the way dark hair and amethyst eyes found their way to his dreams. And when the day came that he laid in the Student Council room, attempting sleep, and Machi said in her dull voice, "I think it's Yuki Sohma," his heart pounded, and his breath hitched.

The moment of truth; his first true meeting of Yuki Sohma. The day when the Prince of Kaibara High School would acknowledge his vice president.

Admitted, Manabe knew his first impression must not have been a very good one. He was smart when people least expected it—otherwise the previous President would not have appointed him—but usually he was unfortunately dumb, and he hated that he could only show Yuki how strange and shallow he could be.

Telling Yuki that he looked like a girl… Definitely wasn't the best idea.

But eventually, mostly through trial and error, Yuki's first impression began to melt away, and Nabe realized that, wow, they were actually becoming friends. And as the year dragged on, it seemed like Yuki was able to smile more, and from the heart. And Manabe was better able to see from other people's perspective.

And maybe—just maybe—it was becoming more than just a crush.

* * *

"How long will your meeting with the student council last?" Manabe scratched his hair thoughtfully.

"Dunno, apparently Yun-Yun wanted to go around and do checks with all the clubs today. It's gonna be so boring." Komaki giggled.

"I'm a little jealous of her. This Yuki-san gets to spend so much time with you." Manabe cringed and tried to quiet his faltering breath lest she hear it over the phone.

"Uh, yeah, well, all in the line of duty, you know? I'll call you when I'm done! Bye, Komaki!" He hung up quickly before she could say anything.

Manabe gritted his teeth and shoved his cell phone back into his pocket. Under any other circumstances, it would have been hilarious to have Komaki think Yuki the Prince was actually a Princess. However, things just weren't good and they weren't right and Manabe felt like an absolutely horrible person. Because lately, even if Komaki wanted him to come over more than anything, he still would rather have been with Yuki Sohma. And the longer he spent with Yuki Sohma, the more distant and vague the mantra in his head of "you already have a girlfriend" became. And eventually when touching barriers had been overcome, and there was no awkwardness in putting his arm around Yuki's shoulder, or Yuki touching his arm when trying to get his attention became normal, the touches he received from Komaki seemed less important, less exciting.

And suddenly, it was there. Manabe realized that it wasn't just attraction and it wasn't a crush. He really loved Yuki Sohma.

Goodness, what power such an epiphany had. Everything else in his life felt so dull in comparison, as if an entire world had opened up to him. But he knew that his love for the president was not all good, for Manabe, above everything, was really a good person, and he knew in his heart that he was hurting the girl who felt more strongly for him than anyone. Despite the fact that Manabe no longer loved Komaki the way he used to, he still knew how to be honest with her, and it still hurt him to lie to her. Inevitably, the day came when he had to tell her the truth.

"Kakeru-kun?"

His arms were around her, and god it felt wrong and dirty to hold her like this, like he deserved to be forgiven, but he lingered there in hopes that it provided her comfort.

"I'm so sorry, Komaki," he said, and he buried his face in her hair, thinking maybe things would be easy and his old feelings would rekindle, but there was no luck. He guiltily only wished in the back of his mind that he could be holding Yuki like this. "I'm… s-so sorry…!"

He choked back a sob. There was nothing light in his remorse; no joke to his pain. He really hated having to hurt Komaki. But he knew that continuing to brush her off, continuing to be so dispassionate towards her, would only hurt her more than closure.

"We have… to end this."

From their closeness he felt her jaw drop, and suddenly he was being pushed away. "E-End this?" she repeated. He saw tears prick at her eyes, and knew then that she had foreseen this. Realized that deep in her heart she'd known that she had been losing him for a long time now.

"I'm sorr—"

"Don't… don't, Kakeru-kun," she sobbed. Manabe wanted to hold her again, but figured it would only make it worse. "Please don't apologize. I-I know. It's Yuki-san, isn't it? All along, I should have realized. As soon as you two started working together, I should have known it was too late…"

"K-Komaki…"

She sighed, and the tears never stopped falling but she looked him in the eyes.

"It's okay, Kakeru-kun. I know I can't hold on to someone who doesn't care for me anymore."

She turned around and began walking down the street, and Manabe felt a tug in his chest; something like sorrow mixed with relief. It was over.

* * *

_"Once I think I like him, it's all over."_

* * *

"Zodiac…? Do you mean the Chinese Zodiac? … Your – your master? What are you…?" Yuki averted his eyes and released his hold on Manabe, scooting to the floor without receiving much resistance.

"I'm sorry," Yuki whispered. "Maybe… I shouldn't say anything—"

"No!"

Before Yuki could do anything, Manabe was on top of him, pinning him by the shoulders to the side of the bed; not a hurtful notion, but a startling one, if anything. A look of fierce determination crossed his face. "You promised me, Yuki," he said, his voice low and his eyes staring into Yuki's wide and frightened ones. "I _will_ listen to everything you have to say, no matter what."

Both of them froze, Manabe having said everything he needed while Yuki remained speechless, his heart racing, the blood rushing through his veins hot, the feeling washing over him overwhelming. As more seconds passed, his brain began to grow fuzzy, his breathing faint. He could no longer stare into Manabe's challenging eyes; suddenly, it was all he could do to keep his eyes _open_.

"Ah… Yuki, I'm sorry," Manabe said a bit hurriedly, and though he was no longer pinning him against the mattress, his hands remained on the Rat out of worry, tracing his neck and flushed cheeks. "Are you okay? I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't push so much. I know this is hard on you…"

"I'm fine," Yuki murmured, though he could not deny the haze crowding his mind. Every moment he became less aware of what he was doing and saying, and more aware of the fine sparks shooting through his skin at Manabe's touch; losing his mind under the current of some power unbeknownst to him.

"Y-Yuki? Are you sure you're alright? You're burning up…" But Manabe could do nothing more as Yuki pushed him gently to the ground, climbing onto him and straddling his stomach. Manabe did nothing, surprise stilling his muscles so that he could only look up at Yuki in shock, wondering what had come over him so suddenly. His breathing was heavy, his eyes were clouded, his cheeks burning.

"You want to know, don't you? About the Zodiac." Yuki ran confident fingers over Manabe's lips, enjoying the feel of hot breath over his skin; he didn't realize that Manabe was trembling. "I'm the Rat, you know? And Akito…" he leaned down, his lips stopping centimeters from Manabe's ear, and whispered, "is God."

He sat up and gazed at Manabe's flushed face, registering the confused fear in his eyes and not knowing why he didn't stop. Instead he began undoing the buttons of Manabe's shirt, slowly, his fingers trailing along the flesh revealed. "Hatsuharu Sohma is the Ox, Momiji Sohma is the Rabbit, and Shigure Sohma is the Dog, just to name the few you know."

Manabe stared up at his friend, confounded. "S-So, then… is Kyo…"

Yuki's smile was serene, his eyes blurred, his pupils dilated and unfocused. "That stupid Cat. He was the first member of the Zodiac I ever spoke with." The Rat leaned down and kissed Manabe's throat, whispering lightly against his skin, "I loved him."

He paused before adding softly, "… But he hated me," his nonchalant tone contradicted by the fingernails Manabe suddenly felt digging into his shoulders. Yuki was quiet for several seconds as he against sat up, his palms dragging down to Nabe's chest. "Do you know the tale of the Zodiac?"

Stunned into silence, Manabe was too frightened of Yuki's change in behavior to say anything. As if under a spell, Yuki continued spilling his deepest secrets; the darkest feelings he'd ever experienced.

"Once upon a time, God told all the animals, _I'm inviting you all to my banquet tomorrow. Don't be late_!" Yuki's eyes became glassy, and Manabe saw his lip quiver. "Hearing that," he continued, softly, his voice steady despite how his hands began shaking, "the mischievous rat lied to his neighbor, the cat, and told him the banquet would be the day after tomorrow. The next day, the rat rode on the back of the Ox and nimbly landed before the banquet hall. After him followed the Ox, the Tiger, and all the rest, and together they feasted until morning." Tears again spilled from Yuki's eyes, and his voice lowered to a whisper as he said, "All except for the cat, who'd been _tricked_."

"But…!" Manabe cried, his eyebrows creasing, "that couldn't have… That wasn't your fault! Just because that happened a long time ago, doesn't mean you'd ever…" Yuki placed his hand over Manabe's cheek, the thumb tracing his lips silencing him instantly.

"That doesn't make a difference when _he _only sees "that damn Rat," does it?" His head bent, and Manabe felt tears dripping onto his chest. "Even though I wanted nothing more than to be his friend… I loved him, but he only saw me as the damned Rat who ruined his life…" Light sobs made his chest quiver, and his hand left Manabe's face to curl on the ground. "Akito would kiss me, touch me… I n-never complained, because at least I could pretend it was Kyo who was there with me. B-But, even so… once Akito would have his way and leave me lying on the floor, I'd remember my guilt and my shame, and cry, sometimes for h-hours. I'm s-such a… terrible human b-being…"

"D… Damnit…!" Manabe sat up abruptly, and, surprised, Yuki yelped and fell into Nabe's lap, his eyes wide as he felt Manabe's arms surround him. Manabe, for that matter, ignored the suddenly apparent fact that for some reason, Yuki had an erection; he swallowed and reminded himself that there were more important things to worry about. "You're a good person, Yuki," he said, and at the tremor in his voice, Yuki realized that Manabe was crying, too. "Being forced into a relationship like that… it's terrible, but it's n-not your fault. B-Being in love, though…" Manabe fisted handfuls of Yuki's shirt, and Yuki could feel his chest dampening from his friend's earnest tears. "It's not bad… it _can't_ be bad."

"Kakeru…" Yuki murmured, and he lifted Manabe's face so their gazes met. Nabe's eyes averted in embarrassment at Yuki seeing him cry. "We of the Zodiac are not allowed to be in love."

His eyes shut tightly and his teeth gritted as he muttered, "That can't be true. Even if your abusive so-called God won't allow it, he can't control your feelings." Yuki's blush deepened, and he held Manabe's face in his hands; Nabe still wouldn't look at him.

"Why are you so persistent about me?" he asked in a sad whisper, hating the tears that dripped from his friend's dark eyes.

"Because I'm… I love you." His arms tightened around Yuki, but the Rat was sure that wasn't the reason he suddenly couldn't breathe. Manabe buried his face in Yuki's shoulder so that his voice was muffled as he cried, "I love you so much…!"

Yuki's heart felt full enough to burst. Maybe he shouldn't have; somewhere deep within himself, beneath the haze and clouds and uncertainty, his mind was screaming out that he shouldn't. But to his ears, that cry—that desperate plea—was much too muffled as Yuki again lifted Manabe's gaze to his and leaned in without hesitation. Beneath his kiss, Yuki could feel Manabe's body go weak, could feel him clutch at his shoulders, almost as if to hold himself above ground; to keep himself from completely losing himself in this feeling.

The Rat broke away quickly, already short of breath and lightheaded from his heart pounding so fast that he couldn't count the beats even if he tried. But it wasn't enough—again their lips met, Yuki's tongue exploring Manabe's mouth as he noticed his arousal pulsing between his legs. When had he become hard? Had Manabe noticed?

"Y-Yuki," Manabe moaned. It sounded… sad, almost. But before the thought that he might be forcing himself on Nabe could cross his mind, he grasped the undone sides of Nabe's shirt and pulled himself closer, groaning at how the pressure against Manabe's stomach caused the fabric of his shorts to rub his erection, sending sparks of pleasure up and down his spine. _This feeling…_

Grounding his feet, he pressed himself against Manabe once more, and his lips parted for labored breaths as Manabe whimpered silently. Maybe this was what he had been missing all along; the driving, unbearable tension, building and building until he was sure to burst under the pressure. He needed a release.

Yuki pressed Manabe back to the ground and thrust against his hips, thinking with satisfaction that Manabe was now also hard. The corners of his mouth rose ever so slightly, and he decisively leant down and took a patch of Manabe's skin in between his lips and teeth, sucking hard as he rocked their thighs together. There it was; the pressure, the heated, urgent strain, and his movements against Manabe became a little rougher, somewhat more violent, until finally he was seeing white lights behind his eyes and his hips were on fire and he was there.

The last thing he felt before dropping into unconsciousness was the shuddering of Manabe's chest beneath him and the wetness absorbing into his clothing.

_Our brand new coats, so flushed and pink  
And I knew your heart I couldn't win  
'Cause the season's change was a conduit  
And we'd left our love in our summer skin  
_Summer Skin, Death Cab for Cutie

What the hell was that, everybody? I mean, I'm sure you saw the (sort of, maybe more limey) lemon coming (I did), but it looked an awful lot like Yuki topped there. It kind of just... happened. xD


	5. Better to Forget

hurray for using old fic for writing practice. god i hope this is somewhat better than it was. (goodness knows why i'm so set on finishing this fic)

**Warnings: **panic attacks and lots of sad

**Disclaimer: **not my characters obvi

**Repeating the Past  
**_Better to Forget_

The first sensation upon gaining consciousness was taste; his tongue moved and he could taste the sourness of his mouth. Next came facial movement, or rather lack thereof; his eyelids and lips felt glued shut. Simple functions such as blinking or opening one's mouth he always figured were involuntary, but now he lamented the effort necessary to accomplish them.

Weary violet eyes eventually gazed into the darkness surrounding them, and Yuki detested the feeling of the crust of rheum in the corners of them. He tried to lift his arms to wipe it away, and found that his arms did not move. They felt so heavy; was this another trick of his body? No, the entirety of sensation was slowly coming back to him, and he realized that he was not alone, that another body lied next to his, one of its arms draped loosely over his back.

Yuki released a stuttering breath, his actions the previous evening beginning to creep into his memory. His exhausted body and overtired mind made everything difficult to digest, but perhaps the subtlety of it made the fear that much more pervasive. What had he been thinking? How could it possibly have been okay for him to divulge such horrid secrets?

Carefully, Yuki moved Manabe's arm off of him, making to stand when some of last night's release covering his pelvis, now dry, began to crack and chafe. He shuddered at the disgusting feeling, shuddered at the thought of what he had done to his friend. He felt sick, shameless, revolting. Images of Manabe's red, wet, frightened eyes assaulted his mind, the helpless sounds of whimpering as Yuki ground against him replaying in his ears over and over again as Manabe's chest quivered beneath him in discomfort.

The vision was too much. Yuki raced to the bathroom and heaved into the toilet, his body dispelling the poison he had unwittingly consumed, unaware that Akito had handed him the chalice.

* * *

The room was still dark, the sun slow to rise, the sky the bleak colour of early morning. Kureno lit a lamp at Akito's bedside, turning quickly to the closet where he would pick out Akito's kimono for the day. "Oh, Kureno," Akito purred sleepily, blinking slowly and stretching with leisure. Kureno laid the brown kimono at the foot of the bed, and Akito glared at it. "Why such a dull colour?"

Kureno turned to his God then and knelt beside him, touching his face carefully and brushing his thumb beneath his eye. "Akito-sama, there are bags under your eyes. Did you not sleep well? You should tell me if I need to tell Hatori-san to prepare some medicine for you."

Color rose to Akito's face and he pushed Kureno's hand away. "I do not require medicine. I was simply having difficulties sleeping." The bird nodded complacently and stood, taking the brown kimono back to the closet and sifting through the others in search of a more suitable one.

"If you don't mind my asking," he ventured, knowing full well that Akito expected him to ask, "what is it that kept you from getting your rest, Akito-sama?"

A dark smile appeared on the head of the family. "If you must know, I've been thinking a lot about Yuki. He certainly hurt my feelings by not accompanying Shigure last night. He's been growing too accustomed to the outside world, too attached to that whore Honda, and now apparently he has another friend. Probably some poor excuse for a boy. What did Shigure call him? Manabe?" He paused, his eyebrows knitting together, a scowl plastering itself on his face at the thought of Yuki having anyone besides himself, especially knowing the lustful state the rat must have been in while with that imbecile. It disgusted him. "Perhaps it would be a sound idea to bring him back here for a while, keep him in his room. I ought to teach him a lesson."

Kureno paused while setting out a light azure kimono, and looked at Akito seriously, his voice quiet when he asked, "Would it please you for me to apprehend him, Akito-sama?"

* * *

He always hated returning to the Sohma Estate. The only thing left for him there were visions of a past he wished he could forget, but never was able to. Every day the hell of his childhood tormented him. With the arrival of Tohru in his life, he thought that things were improving—the dull ache of hatred for the Sohma Estate and Akito and himself lessened day by day with her there, a constant reminder of what a true mother should be, and what Tohru again and again proved she was capable of being.

Last night's actions, however, ripped apart all the stitching Tohru's love had done on his weary heart, and now, sneaking through the Estate, he was haunted by the very ghosts he'd tried so hard to bury, there only to bury them yet again.

Hatori was, as expected, in his office doing paperwork, and Yuki closed the door quietly behind him when Hatori finally looked up. "Yuki? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be on your way to class?"

He flinched like Hatori was ready to strike him, and noticing immediately, Hatori put down his paperwork, watching Yuki from over his glasses. "Yuki…? What's wrong?"

Yuki leaned against the door, one hand covering his mouth, trying to recover some shred of calm but only managing to tremble more and bite back tears that stung at his eyes. Realizing that Yuki was having a panic attack, Hatori rose from his chair and walked over, kneeling before the rat. "It's okay, Yuki. Take your time. You're safe here."

"I'm not," Yuki replied, his voice tearful and high with hysteria. His knees gave out and he crumpled to the floor. When Hatori tried to catch him he only reached out to shove him away, quietly repeating, "I'm not," over and over again, voice catching as he lost his breath.

Careful not to touch him, Hatori said, "Yuki, it is okay. No one is going to come in. My office is safe. No one is going to hurt you here. Now come on, breathe with me." He took a deliberately large breath in, fearful that Yuki was sending himself into another attack, just like the ones he had when he was younger. Yuki tried to copy him but started coughing.

"I c-can't," he cried, tears finally streaking down his face.

"Yuki, look at me," Hatori said softly but sternly. Yuki did as he was told. "Focus. You can breathe. Just focus."

He again made the gesture of the deliberate breath in, and Yuki held his breath a while before copying Hatori's motion. Nodding approvingly, Hatori then breathed out, long and slow, and was relieved when Yuki was able to do the same. They repeated those motions several times until Yuki was able to breathe evenly on his own.

"I'm sorry," he finally said, so quiet even in the empty room that Hatori strained to hear him.

"Don't apologize, Yuki. Just tell me what happened. I can help you."

Their eyes met, Yuki's red and puffy and unable to hold Hatori's gaze for long. "I…I messed up. I messed up again." He went silent, but Hatori asked no more prodding questions, so after several minutes he continued, voice hollow and face pale, "I told my classmate about the curse."

Still Hatori did not respond, only kneeled there next to him. Thinking Hatori expected more from him, Yuki finally said, "I came here to tell you so that you could erase his memory."

Another long stretch of silence ensued, and Yuki said no more because he knew no more that he could in good conscious admit; he had committed an atrocious act and now he was paying the price. Manabe would lose all memory of the time they'd spent together, and he—well, he would have to leave the school. He couldn't return there and look into the face of the boy he'd used.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Hatori asked quietly, stealing Yuki from his thoughts, but still not his gaze.

"I understand now. No one should know about me. They will be disgusted." He clutched hard at his pants. "It's for the best."

"What about Honda-san?"

At long last Yuki's eyes rose and met his cousin's. "Honda-san is different." Hatori still looked at him, but this time Yuki did not look away. "You know that she's different, Hatori."

Finally Hatori sighed in resignation and nodded his agreement. "Alright, Yuki. If it's what you truly want, we can take care of it immediately."

They both rose to leave, Hatori offering to give him a ride to school. As they drove through the busy streets, the faces of his friends—no, of his classmates—from primary school could not even pass through his mind, because by now they had blurred. But he remembered them still, that they had been in his life, even though they would never remember him. Perhaps Manabe too would be a blur to him someday.

* * *

Despite the shades being closed, it was bright enough outside that Yuki's room was covered in morning light, and Manabe blinked awake to it, line of sight drinking in the carpet next to him, the pattern of light and shadow stripes from the blinds. Yuki was nowhere to be seen.

His head was fuzzy, but he remembered every single moment from the night before; every word, every breath, every touch all seared into his memory in a painful fog. He had braved the steep incline of the mountain of Yuki's darkest secrets, only to find out that the peak was enshrouded in a poisonous mist and he was choking to death.

Cold and aching and wishing desperately that he could spend an eternity in the shower (not that he was especially dirty—he had experienced no orgasm, after all, only a feeling of discomfort, like he was no more than a used paper towel), but knowing that he was already late for classes and knowing of no other place he could find Yuki to ask him what happened, he rose and left the room, surprised to find the house completely deserted.

His sensei berated him for his lateness when he finally walked into the classroom, but he barely registered the admonition, too distracted by the fact that Yuki didn't appear to be here either. In fact, he didn't even have to ask around to find out if anyone had seen him, because Yuki's fanclub was doing a good enough job of whispering loudly to themselves about how this was the first day of school he's missed in ages. None of them seemed to pay any notice to Manabe's lateness, and more fortunately did not think to correlate it to Yuki's absence.

Soon enough, Manabe had to excuse himself, head too preoccupied with what had happened last night and where Yuki was to really pay attention. He planned to try to find Tohru or any of Yuki's cousins; anyone who may possibly know his whereabouts, but his search was cut short when he glanced out the windows in the hallway and saw Yuki and another man waiting in the courtyard outside. Without a second thought, Manabe raced through the hallways, not stopping for breath until he was standing a few yards away from the rat, breathing heavily in the still air, body burning under the hot sun. But Yuki wasn't looking at him, and his eyes were cold.

"Yuki?" Manabe asked quietly, glancing at the man standing behind him. "What's going on? What happened to you?"

It took a long moment for Yuki to acknowledge he had spoken, but finally he said without looking in his direction, "You've found out something that you were not supposed to know. I've done what I'm supposed to do when this happens." He gestured toward the man behind him. "This is Hatori Sohma. He's the family doctor, and is gifted with the ability to suppress memories."

Only then did Yuki meet Manabe's frightened gaze. "Suppress memories…?" Yuki looked away again, and Manabe stepped closer. "What do you mean? Is he going to take away my memory of last night?" He looked at Hatori, the man's expression steeled as if he had done this multiple times before. "What if I don't want you to!?"

"I'm sorry, Manabe, but you don't have a choice in the matter. I should never have told you what I did."

"I thought…I thought you told me those things because you trusted me," Manabe said, trying to keep his voice from breaking and failing miserably. "And anyway, what's with you acting so cold towards me? Do you think it's okay for you to take advantage of me and then blame me? I sure as hell don't think it's fair to suffer these kinds of consequences when…when I was too scared to make you stop." Yuki began to turn away, and Manabe cut out, "You're being just like him!"

Yuki froze for several moments, his back partly turned to Manabe, but soon enough he nodded to Hatori and then continued walking toward the street.

Hatori walked toward Manabe, and Manabe wished he could be experiencing fight or flight instead of freeze. "Y-You can't do this, I don't want to forget!"

"I apologize, Manabe-san," Hatori said, and Manabe was frightened even more by the sadness of the man's steps, the sadness that seemed so deeply ingrained into his eyes. It moved Manabe, the same way that the sadness of Yuki's eyes sometimes did. It was too rooted, too inherent, it felt too much like forever. He had to pull his gaze away, shaking with the need to run, when he noticed out on the street, a car had pulled up. A man stepped out of it, walking up behind Yuki and placing a cloth over the rat's mouth.

"W-Wait."

Yuki almost immediately fell limp, and the man pulled Yuki into the car and drove away.

"WAIT!"

_So I hit my low,  
little did I know  
that would not be the end  
from the Holland Road  
_Holland Road, Mumford & Sons

oh god i already have a couple paragraphs of chapter 6 written what am i doing with my life


	6. The Harbinger

this is still happening it is going to be finished there is one more chapter to go

**Warnings: **noncon, violence/torture

**Disclaimer: **this is not for profit. at all. like i am not sure it profits anyone at all even in a figurative sense.

**Repeating the Past  
**_The Harbinger_

Manabe yelled, and finally found the power in him to run, but Hatori, thinking he was attempting to escape, took hold of his wrist. Manabe had to quickly grab at the other wrist Hatori was reaching forward in order to press fingers against his temple, taking away the knowledge of what he had just witnessed. But Hatori was stronger than he looked, and Manabe had to pull all his strength to keep from losing his grip. "Hatori-san, please don't, please just look, Yuki was just kidnapped! A man – a man with reddish-brown hair just came up behind him and drugged him and put him in a car, please just look!"

Hatori seemed conflicted between suspicion and worry, and tested loosening his grip, rewarded more with worry than suspicion when Manabe did not immediately try to pull away from him. He did look, and indeed, Yuki was nowhere to be seen.

Turning back to Manabe, Hatori let go of him completely, and was fairly certain of the truth of the boy's words when he did not take the opportunity to run away. He stared at Manabe as he pulled out his cell phone, making sure the boy didn't run away as he dialed Yuki's number.

"Are you calling the police?" Manabe demanded, but Hatori didn't answer, and put the phone to his ear. It rang several times, but went to Yuki's voice mail.

"He isn't answering his phone…" Hatori murmured.

"Of course he's not answering his phone! He's unconscious because someone just drugged him to kidnap him!" Manabe yelled. He grabbed the front of Hatori's shirt, and the man looked at him, the surprise he felt only barely registering on his face. "I'll try to find him whether you help me or not, Hatori-san, but please, think of your cousin!"

Hatori stared into the eyes of this child, this still young man whose memory he should have erased immediately, but who seemed to still care about Yuki despite knowing the truth. He wondered vaguely what Manabe had meant when he said he'd been taken advantage of, and was afraid to think about who Manabe had been referring to when he berated Yuki for acting just like '_him_.'

In the end, he supposed he didn't stand a chance against the boy with determination like fire in his eyes.

"Reddish-brown hair, you said?" Hatori finally asked, resigned to the fact that he was about to help this boy change the inner circle of the Sohma family forever in ways Manabe probably did not comprehend.

"Yes! He drove up and came behind Yuki and put a – a cloth over his mouth, and Yuki just fell unconscious. Please! We have to go to the police, we have to find him, what if –"

Hatori placed a hand on Manabe's shoulder, and the boy trailed off, staring into Hatori's narrowed eyes. "Going to the police is unnecessary, because I know who took him," he said. "He's been taken to the Sohma Estate."

* * *

As consciousness fought to return to him, the only sensation Yuki felt was dizziness. The sickening feeling was so strong that the pain in the background of his mind was nothing but an afterthought, and only his slowly returning awareness of his body and its surroundings helped him realize that the pain should be sharper, for a sharp object, perhaps the tip of a blade, was painting shallow patterns of red on his skin. Belatedly Yuki felt the cold of wherever he was more strongly because there were no clothes protecting his body.

At last he possessed the energy to open his eyes and was met at first with darkness. He worried that he was blindfolded, and his worry only developed into panic when his sight adjusted to the room around him, and Akito was lying with his head in his lap, playing a knife over his skin with ease. Yuki jerked with a sudden rush of adrenaline, which only caused Akito's knife to dig deeper into his stomach. Worse than that feeling, however, was the final realization, as sensation came back to him completely, that his wrists were bound above his head to a pipe coming down from the ceiling, and that his ankles were bound together as well.

Akito looked up and smiled.

* * *

Manabe's mouth dropped somewhat as they drove through the Sohma property, sunlight streaming through beautiful trees lining the streets of their compound. He came from a rich family certainly, but he had never seen such an extensive clan, especially not one with such extensive property. "All of this belongs to the Sohma family?" he asked in wonder. Hatori's eyes didn't leave the road.

"Of course," he said. "The Sohma name goes back to ancient times. We're the oldest and richest clan in Japan."

Manabe turned away from the window and looked at him, expression grave. "Do all of these people know about the abuse that Yuki has gone through? Or only about the Zodiac?"

Hatori pretended he did not hear the cutting tone of his words. "Only those in the inner compound know of the Zodiac. Most of the Sohma family is forbidden from entering the inner compound, however. The thirteen of us, our parents and servants, and Akito are the only ones who know."

"How does it work?"

"What?" Hatori turned into a small lot reserved for members of the Zodiac who chose to live outside of the Estate.

"What does it mean to be a member of the Zodiac? Yuki told me that he is the rat, and Kyo Sohma is the cat, and about some of his other cousins we go to school with, but he didn't explain what it meant to be the rat or the cat or whatever."

Hatori parked the car and turned it off, turning in his seat to look at Manabe. "I suppose he couldn't have shown you as he did Honda-san."

"Wait! Tohru Honda-san knows!?" Manabe exclaimed.

"She does," Hatori answered, "because one day a long time ago now, she accidentally hugged Yuki and saw him turn into the rat herself."

The cogs turned in Manabe's head, flashbacks of rare embraces he shared with Yuki running though his mind, the ones from last night straining more heavily on his mind as a blush rose to his cheeks. "Hugging? Is that what does it? But then when he…I mean, when we've hugged before, why did he never…?"

"It's a matter of your gender, Manabe-san. Honda-san is a girl, so when she hugged him he turned into his true form. You are a boy, so when you hug him, nothing happens. But come on, we should head inside."

Manabe was grateful for the chance to turn away, for he did not want Hatori to see how lucky he felt. Out of the dozens of people at school who were in love with Prince Yuki, Manabe was the only one able to embrace him, was likely the only person to have hugged him before besides Tohru. And Yuki saw Tohru as a mother; as terrible as he felt for thinking this way, the fact that she had hugged him as well was no threat.

_Maybe I'm worse than his fan club_, he thought sullenly as he closed the car door behind him.

Hatori lead him into the inner compound, and Manabe looked around in awe. The buildings were for the most part of ancient design, the grounds-keeping very traditional. It felt like stepping into Japan's past. "Have outsiders ever been able to come here?" he asked quietly, for once conscious of disturbing the peace around him.

"Honda-san has been here once…" Hatori said, his voice drifting off as he deliberated how much it would be permissible to tell Manabe. To his relief, Manabe didn't question him further, though after a long silence the boy murmured, "I never realized how important Honda-san was to this family."

Hatori did not respond to him, and they walked in silence for a short while.

"So does everyone here know what Akito has done to Yuki?" Manabe asked again, not having forgotten that Hatori had avoided his question before. For a moment Manabe thought Hatori was not going to answer him, but finally he spoke.

"Yuki is not the only person in this family to be the victim of abuse by Akito. Not a single one of us have been saved from his punishments."

Manabe stared at him, eyes wide with horror. "Why does no one do anything about it? How can everyone—even you and Shigure Sohma-san, you're adults and you can't even stand up to him? If not for yourselves, then why not for Yuki? He, Kyo, the rest of them…they're only children, aren't adults supposed to protect them!?"

Hatori placed a hand on Manabe's shoulder and stopped him, looking him in the eyes. "Manabe-san, please don't raise your voice here, your presence is supposed to be a secret. I understand your frustration, but our relationship with Akito is…complicated. It's difficult to explain to anyone who isn't intimately knowledgeable of our situation. There is something – something invisible, a connection between all of us and Akito. We hate him, but we love him, and the fact that our love for him is unconditional is completely out of our control. He's our master—we can't do anything to defy him."

Manabe was speechless, and could do little more than stare at Hatori for a long moment, until an old woman was suddenly walking down the path. As soon as she caught sight of them, her expression screwed up indignantly.

"I thought I heard something out of the ordinary. Hatori-san, what in the world is he doing here? You know that outsiders are not allowed in this compound. If Akito-san knew—"

"He is with me, and I do not appreciate being talked down to in such a manner," Hatori cut in coldly. The old woman, a servant Manabe figured, stammered with a flush.

"I deeply apologize, Hatori-san, but you know that there is no excuse to bring an outsider here."

"I am Akito's doctor and must be able to make decisions pertaining to his health regardless of the rules you are forced to abide by. As it turns out, this boy is pertinent to the current state of Akito's health. But if you would wish to stand between your master and his doctor, by all means…"

The servant bowed in embarrassment. "Of course, Hatori-san. Your medical knowledge is most important." She stood straight again, and Manabe felt a shiver run down his spine at the glare she shot him before rushing off in the direction from which she had come.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Hatori murmured, "Let's hurry," and rushed Manabe forward.

* * *

"Stop," Yuki whimpered, and he wished more than anything that he could simply drift back into unconsciousness, to pretend that this was nothing but a nightmare. But he stayed persistently awake, Akito's hands alternating between soft touches on his thighs and digging into the shallow cuts on his stomach.

"It's been a long time since you've been here, Yuki. You've grown a lot." The tips of his fingers graced along Yuki's flaccid length, and Yuki struggled desperately against his bindings. "You're much more disobedient now as well, I see. Letting that whore Honda stay with you has clearly been a bad influence."

"The only bad influence in my life has been you!" Yuki shouted, and Akito's eyes widened. "Honda-san has shown me that the world is not black, it's full of light and color. You're the only black part of it. Let me go, I don't want you to touch me anymore! I'm old enough now to know that it's wrong."

Akito sat up and stared at Yuki, who was breathing heavily and still struggling. "Such a disobedient boy… I'll have to punish you for speaking to me in such a way." He moved away from Yuki, and the rat froze, the retreating heat of Akito swallowing him with the cold of anticipation. Akito was fiddling with something several feet away, but it was still too dark in the room to make out what it was. "Granted, it wasn't always easy to get you to behave, even back then. Sometimes you would struggle against me for so long you threw yourself into one of your pathetic coughing fits. The tea I gave you always helped the both of us, didn't it?"

When Akito turned around, Yuki could faintly make out the silhouette of a needle in his hands, and felt the blood drain from his face. "The tea was good for your throat, of course. Aphrodisiac, however… you were quite pliable after each cup. Unable to struggle, trembling and waiting for my touch."

One of Akito's hands touched Yuki's side; the other bore his poison. "It'll only pinch a bit," Akito sneered, face so close to Yuki's that he tasted his breath on his lips, small distraction from the needle entering his neck. Yuki's eyebrows quivered, tears in his eyes.

"Please don't," he whispered. But it was too late. He was already drowning.

The drug had an almost immediate effect, a testament to how much stronger it was when not diluted in tea. His mind became like static, but as the moments drew on it lost the sharpness of his panic. The fingers rubbing circles on his thighs raised a flush to his face, and his staccato heartbeats quickened their pace. "That's much better," Akito purred, fingers finally drifting to graze over Yuki's still flaccid penis, though his fingertips left a trail of sparks and tears began to stream from his eyes as he became hard. But somehow, the panic had almost subsided and left him in nothing but the shadow of guilt.

Manabe would be sitting in class by now, no longer plagued by his feelings for the rat, or the terrors Yuki had incurred on him the night before; he would no longer be plagued by a need to save Yuki, because to him now Yuki would be nothing.

Yuki felt like nothing even to himself.

He gasped when Akito dragged the knife shallowly down the center of his chest as his other hand tugged on his erection. "I'm glad the aphrodisiac is so strong, Yuki," Akito whispered into his ear. "Not even your pain receptors take away your arousal. Unless," he added, biting the lobe there quickly, "the pain just adds to your pleasure. With a boy in a world so black I shouldn't be surprised."

Yuki breathed heavily and clung to the only idea that gave him even the slightest amount of comfort: Manabe. His addled mind desperately wiped away the sadness of what he had done and the fact that he would never be able to discover how close he could be to Manabe, the only defense mechanism available. He was left with nothing but the feeling of heat, and the thought of Manabe replaced the feeling of pain. Akito pulled on his erection and Yuki closed his eyes and it was Manabe's hand in his mind. The heat continued to build, and Manabe was with him, bringing him closer, the bites Akito left mere feather-light kisses from Manabe.

He keened as the heat built up enough, and unconsciously felt Manabe's name on his lips, and suddenly the hand on him was removed, and he whined. His eyes opened and through their haziness he saw that Akito was glaring at him, eyebrows drawn in fury. Only belatedly did he realize that he had sighed the name of his friend. Fear quickly descended on him again as Akito raised his blade.

"I go to the trouble of pleasuring you," he started quietly. His knife sank into the skin low in his stomach, and Yuki cried out, breaths coming ragged. "And you're thinking of your stupid friend? Ungrateful, boring, greedy little rat." He twisted the knife deeper into him. Yuki's pained cry cracked under the weight of the searing white that erased everything else from his mind. "I am going to teach you a lesson Yuki. One that will scar so that you will never, ever forget."

* * *

Only moments after the servant disappeared, Hatori and Manabe rounded a corner to see Kureno there waiting for them. Manabe started and pointed at him. "That's the guy who kidnapped Yuki!" he yelled as quietly as he could, but Hatori seemed unsurprised by this information. In fact, he didn't seem to have heard Manabe at all. Rather, he stepped in front of Manabe and stared Kureno down, though Kureno was as expressionless as always.

"I know why you must've taken him, Kureno, but do not try to stop me. He may be our master, but…" He trailed off, and looked back at Manabe, and his cold expression softened. "There is something greater at work here today, and I have brought its harbinger. It would be foolish for either of us to stand in his way."

Manabe felt his heart pound in his chest, and his grateful stare moved from Hatori to land on Kureno. "Please, Sohma-san," he said, his tone as pleading as the words he spoke. "I don't want anything bad to happen to Yuki—to any of you anymore."

Kureno met Manabe's stare and for a long moment both Hatori and Manabe were afraid he would say nothing; but finally, he closed his eyes and sighed, his posture relenting under Manabe's determination. "Akito is holding Shigure in one of his rooms. And Yuki…" He hesitated but momentarily, finishing, "Yuki was taken to the Cat's Room."

That statement meant nothing Manabe, but he nevertheless felt a twinge of panic when Hatori visibly tensed, eyes going wide. He looked as though he was about to ask something more, but perhaps he thought better of it, and instead turned to Manabe and said, "Follow me," before quickly walking off in the opposite direction, leaving Kureno behind.

"Are we going to find Yuki?" Manabe asked quietly. Hatori merely nodded.

For only being the inner compound, it seemed that the area stretched on forever, though Manabe could have attributed that more to his anxiety than anything else. They climbed up a hill, now somewhat removed from the rest of the compound, and surrounded by tall green trees was a small building.

"This is the Cat's Room." Manabe looked at Hatori for a moment before turning his gaze back to it. It looked like a sad, lonely place. That desolate feeling radiated from it.

"I have led you here so that you can start searching for Yuki. Have him bring you both to my office. Meanwhile I need to go find Shigure. Can you do that, Manabe-kun?"

Manabe didn't look at him. "You said before that you couldn't defy Akito because he's your master, right?"

Hatori paused for a moment. "Yes." Manabe turned back around and met his gaze, and Hatori had never seen eyes so determined.

"Well he isn't my master, and I'm gonna do anything possible to make sure he sees justice for doing what he did to Yuki."

With that, Manabe ran the rest of the way up the hill to the house. Hatori felt a small smile reach his lips, and shook his head, turning back to run to Akito's suite.

At the door, Manabe was suddenly hit with the worry that the house would be locked if Yuki was supposed to be there for whatever deranged idea of punishment Akito had for him, but when he tried the door it slid open easily. The feeling of loneliness was even stronger inside, reinforced by the bareness of it. The walls were in stripes of wood, each white panel offset by a thin unpainted strip. There were no decorations upon them. The floor was hard, bamboo, and no furniture was visible from where he stood. No shoes could be seen in the entryway, and Manabe did not bother to remove his own as he entered.

"Yuki?" he called. Silence answered him. His brow furrowed.

He walked into the main room. There was a window there overlooking the back wall of the inner compound. Other than that the room was completely empty. Goosebumps rose on the back of his neck, and he turned back to the entryway. Through the other hall was what he assumed was a bedroom, as the only furniture he had seen so far was there, and it was only a mat. Someone had slept here. Perhaps someone still slept there. The goosebumps spread down his arms. The room's only decoration was the window shaded by trees that overlooked the compound below. The loneliness was strongest here. He shivered and turned back to the entryway.

"Yuki!?" he called one more time, louder, though it seemed he had already exhausted all of his options as far as hiding places were concerned. It didn't appear that Yuki was here. Had Kureno lied? Lied to protect that scumbag of a master?

Manabe entered the main room again, walked around it just in case there was something he missed. Of course there wasn't—the room was very obviously deserted. A flood of anger rose to his throat. He needed to save Yuki, and the bastard who kidnapped him was apparently unwilling to assist with that, in fact appeared to have intentionally stalled him. The anger in his throat felt like it was going to burn through his esophagus and tears burned in his eyes as he turned and kicked the wall as hard as he could—

—only to realize that the plank swung back from the force. It was a secret door.

He walked closer, put his hands on either side of the frame. The light from the window was only good enough to see the first few steps of a staircase leading down. Beyond that was pitch black.

Manabe swallowed, and stepped into the darkness.

_One of these days letters are gonna fall from the sky_  
_Telling us all to go free,_  
_But until that day I'll find a way to let everybody know _  
_That you're coming back,_  
_Mm, you're coming back for me_  
Letters from the Sky, Civil Twilight


End file.
